Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Randomize
