my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
