She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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