Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
