I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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