It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
