i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
