the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
