you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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