the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
