I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
the day after is always just damage control
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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