That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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