i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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