so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
