what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
