I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
