I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
