So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Randomize
