if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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