ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
