How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
