I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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