take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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