When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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