We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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