Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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