I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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