Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
