Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
