In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
