I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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