I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
