I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
