got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
