It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
