are you still at the devil's house?
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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