do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
