After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
