ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
