I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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