drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
