Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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