I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
