Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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