Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
