No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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