one might say we're banned from that church
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Randomize
