Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
