so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
