in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
