Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
