escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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