I can't watch pbs sober anymore
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
