i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
