Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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