It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
