OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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