Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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