I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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