i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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