i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
