where am i from again
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
