Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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