Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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