I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
