My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
