I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
