My pussy is not your playground.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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