recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
