I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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