Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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